I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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