i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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