I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
