apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
