I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
