your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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