Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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