i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
