when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize