I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
