can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
