I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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