I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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