I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
