I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
