I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
