He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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