She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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