wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
