I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
