I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
