I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
