Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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