I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize