I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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