The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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