i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
