I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
