my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
