i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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