You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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