Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You pole danced in your parka.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
