isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
