i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
