I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
