he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
