FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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