smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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