I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
