I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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