this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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