i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
