He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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