marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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