I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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