the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize