She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
