I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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