I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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