the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize