So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
