I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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