I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
