omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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