I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
