i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Did you just see the Batmobile???
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
