New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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