Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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