problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
