you're like a bully in the Christmas story
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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