Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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