I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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