I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
