i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
