Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
