you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
