hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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