so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
