And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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