when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
