I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
