woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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