he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Small penises have feelings too.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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