no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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