I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
