u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
