My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
