i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
